I have developed a habit of posting long paragraphs about my running to Facebook. Today I remembered I have this dusty space I can use and decided to post here instead. So ha!
I have a big, scary run coming up on May 12th. It is an 8K technical race. I have run four 5K races in my life, the first two were years ago. The second two were this spring. When I started training in the fall I planned on using races to have external goals. I am a VERY slow runner, so these 5Ks have been great but slow. The last one was discouraging as I walked more of it than I had hoped.
There's the context. I am training for this race, so today went for a run. I was aiming for 6K, it ended up being a 5.91K. I am on vacation in an area I sort of know, but it doesn't have much for loops that I know of. This means the run was an out-and-back style run.
I should never do these. I need loops. But they do make for an interesting study of my own psychology.
For the first kilometre or so going out I am hopeful and excited. I am determined to have a great run and am totally convinced that this run will be a lot better than the last one. The I have figured out my problems from the last one and all will be good.
However after a while I hit a wall, and I become very negative. I think it's because I am going straight out, so every step is taking me further from my end point, and that every piece of road will have to be done again in reverse. I try to use all my psychological tricks (just go to that post there, then re-evaluate to keep going and other such short goals) but they don't work. I will just stop running suddenly, even while my conscious brain is trying to play these tricks.
I start thinking that running sucks, and hills suck, and everything sucks. I suck. I start thinking that I just can't run and that there is no way I can survive this race. There are a lot of "can't" thoughts. I use lots of tricks to keep going - my favourite is pretending to slice these thoughts out of the air with a sword - but it is very hard to stay positive.
Then I turn around, and the sun comes out. The way back is completely different. Suddenly it is all "can" thinking. The small goals work perfectly, and I am able to finish intervals. Suddenly I am running towards my goal again, and I am confident and happy and love running.
This is why I should only do loops. They don't have the same bizarre swings of thought patterns.
This has been long. Sorry. However I have one last thought. I think one of the hardest things for me is trying to find the difference between when I am just not pushing hard enough and letting my brain give up versus when I am actually at the limits of my physical ability. My body will just stop running sometimes and I wonder if this is it telling me I am at my limits. After all there is only so much a 250 lb asthmatic body can do. So the question I leave you with is: how do you know your limits?
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