I just made a fat Linden decision. This is the term I use for bad food decisions that I used to make and I know are part of why I got so big. I wish I could say this is the first time in the last few weeks, but this has been a growing trend. I am having a harder time resisting when I know I should and bad decisions come from that. I feel like I'm losing momentum and it terrifies me.
I found myself thinking how silly it is that I am moving across the world and yet my biggest fear is failing in my health changes. Then I realized the truth - that's not the biggest fear, but it is the only fear I can conceptualize and face.
Don't get me wrong, I am super excited for this adventure. But I am terrified in so many ways that I can't even name. They are too scary to even consider or think about. Everyone tells me it will be okay and amazing, and it will; but I feel like there's a terrified part of me that is screaming to get out and be heard.
So instead of acknowledging that truth I make the same old decisions I used to make. I eat. It is nowhere near as bad as it used to be, but it is still not a good choice. I am just now seeing how hard it will be to be still going through these major lifestyle changes while taking on such drastic life changes at the same time.
I tell myself it's a challenge and that I love challenges. My friend Megan told me that I am fierce like a tiger. My boss told me that I am tenacious. I need to focus on these ideas. I need to remember this when it gets hard, and believe it. I will get through the fear. I refuse to be bested by change. I will continue to do what I have set out to do.
And I will have an amazing adventure. No matter how scary it is.
You are fierce like a tiger. And it's ok to be scared too (even tigers get scared!).
ReplyDeleteI think you need to remind yourself of how far you've come in such a short while (really, it's mind-blowing!) on a regular basis. I read a funny quote by Zig Ziglar yesterday: "People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing--that's why we recommend it daily." Motivation and "being good" wanes - that you're still committed after this long is testament to your dedication. Perhaps ironically, once you begin your big adventure you're likely to find that the running and mindful eating serve to ground you as the new normal.
We're all afraid of something (or many things!), but the reason everyone is so excited for you is because you have the courage to take a leap and face your fears. I like how you ended this post - you WILL have an AMAZING adventure, no matter how scary it may seem.
This is a wonderful reply and exactly what you needed. I LOVE the quote about motivation. I think I might print that out and put it on both my office and my home walls.
DeleteThank you.