On paradigm shifts (or, on becoming Wonder Woman).

I just got home from a consult/assessment with Zita, an amazing trainer who I am starting to work with. And I am so excited and happy right now.

It won't take much of a look through these archives to see that my relationship with my body has been through a lot of phases and a lot of changes. I've tried a lot of things to change my body, and I've considered my relationship with my body in different ways. I've hurt my body, I've changed my body, I've been hurt by my body, I've cursed my body, I've cried over my body. I've done it all. I've worked hard to become friends with my body after years of feeling like it wasn't right.

And now I'm actively loving my body. It is a good body. All bodies are good bodies, so my body is a good body. My body has done a lot for me. My body has been through everything I've been through, even though I haven't always kept that in mind. It has experienced all the pain and joy and everything in between that I have. And it does good things. My body hugs people, and provides them comfort. My body takes me to work where I can help other people who live in a wide variety of bodies. My body smiles and laughs and shares me with the world. My body moves and takes me with it, wherever I ask it to go. Well, mostly wherever I ask it to go (when my knee was out of order we had some disagreements). My body cuddles and snuggles and kisses and lets me experience love and affection physically.

I am working with Zita because I want to make my body stronger. I want to take my body running, I miss running. I miss feeling my heart beat wildly and my legs pump and my body move through space. I want to lift heavy things and feel my muscles work and push. And the best part is she gets it. She is helping me realize all the things I've just said. It's amazing to work with someone who doesn't see my body as something to fix, but something to celebrate and to enjoy and improve. Tonight we tested how much my body could lift and push and pull, and my body is strong. I believe her when she says it. I mean, of course my thighs are strong - they work hard every day to carry me through this world. But my arms and back can do cool things. And it felt so good to push them to their limit, I can't wait to do that again. I forgot what it was like to feel connected to my body the way that I felt tonight, and that's something I'm already looking forward to doing more of.

I'm done trying to make my body into something it isn't, but I'm not done making my body happy. And despite the pull of inertia and my couch, my body is happy when it's moving and working. And I am so amazed to have someone on my team who is teaching me this way of thinking and who I know will cheer me on the way I need. After all, she knew tonight that she could get me to keep pushing by saying that it was how I become Wonder Woman...