On 2013

Every year around this time social networking sites start to pop up with little "year in review" surveys and apps. I always feel frivolous doing them, but I also think it's important to take the mile markers given us, such as New Year's, to look back and see where we've been and where we've ended up. So I usually give in and participate.

This year I decided to do my own retrospective instead of letting someone else set the tone and direction. But first, a little bit of personal musing on an issue I'm facing. It does go back to what seems to be a major theme in this year - choice. I have a choice between two jobs that I love equally and to most people it seems an obvious one. When there are two jobs you love and you have a chance to move from the one that pays less to the one that pays more it should be an easy move to make. Right? But there are things holding me back that I just can't stop going back to. Why is it so hard to let go of being needed and feeling wanted?


Anyways. Back to the year in review. It has been another big year in my life with a lot happening. I feel like I said the same thing last year - I keep waiting for that part of my life where the years start to slide by without being so dramatic.

So what happened this year?

I applied for graduate school, but the program put a moratorium on admissions. How different my path would have become had that not happened - probably fewer downs but I suspect fewer ups as well.

I decided to make my health a priority and managed to make some really positive changes (and get some really positive results). Mind you I then stopped making it a priority and started reversing the changes. I still have a lot of things to work on.

I travelled overseas for the first time (other than a trip to California when I was 7) and fell in love with the world out there.

I then took it a step further and moved overseas. I learned a lot about myself in doing so - that I can adapt better than I feared, that I can meet people and have fun, but most of all that I have very deep roots in Edmonton. I also learned that my values are important to me, that I still have to consider depression part of my life, and that I know when it is time to walk away from a bad situation. I reached a point of despair I have not felt for a long time, but I pulled myself out of it after removing the triggers.

I also got a tattoo. I know that one is silly and trivial compared to the rest, but it still seems important to me.

I went to Scotland twice. Again, silly but a big thing to me. I love Scotland.

I started over, again, and built a life that looks more like the one I want to be living. I'll probably crack at some point because I am living just under the line between busy and overwhelmed, but that's where I like to live.

I made new friends, strengthened bonds with old ones, and let go of some that weren't what I wanted in my life.

I touched some lives - I don't mean to sound vain or egotistical but I helped people learn and got a lot of gratitude in return. I talked openly about mental illness in a way that got a very positive and emotional response from people. I worked on my goal of having a net positive impact - and I think I made some progress.

I didn't fall in love, though there were some promising incidents. I'm still waiting on that one. Until then I have Quirk to keep me company and make me smile. And she is now one well-travelled kitty.

I love the life I have landed in. I am poor and stressed and sometimes lonely but I also get to be me. I have wonderful people in my life, jobs I love, a great family, and a good understanding of myself. And even a blog that a few people read and reply to. And I'm excited to see where the next mile takes me.