I've been thinking a lot lately about the winter sun. I live far enough south that we still get sun, about 8 hours at this point in the year (just under 7.5 at the solstice), but far enough north that the winter sun is distinct. It only rises partway into the sky, a maximum altitude of 16.0° today (compared to about 60° in late June). The light is blindingly bright, washing the world of colour, while also soft and diffuse. It is a sun that is insisting on rising and doing what it can, knowing that better times are ahead.
Maybe I'm trying to hard with that last sentence. But I need to find inspiration somewhere. 2024 has not been kind, and we are only eighteen days in. Kyle started the year with the first signs of sickness. I was delayed by a few days, just long enough to have a ridiculous incident involving Violet, a Yorkie, snowy stairs, and a poor hapless delivery driver which led to a shoulder/bicep injury. When my symptoms set in, I did the test and confirmed what I had hoped would not be true: COVID had finally entered our house. Just in time for the polar vortex to expand south and bring us weather in the -30s (with wind chill bringing it to -40s). We hunkered down in self-imposed quarantine. I took an antiviral to reduce my already high risk from COVID, which I am grateful for but which made my mouth taste like bitter metal for five days. Violet suffered boredom and reduced walks. Kyle recovered first, meaning he took on the brunt of keeping us afloat. There is so much suffering in the world right now, and with that in perspective our suffering is tiny. But tiny suffering is still suffering.
We are recovering, and we are trying. I am starting to do Violet walks again - short and cautious, holding her with my good arm and hoping with all I have to avoid other dogs. Yesterday I pushed my luck in the cold-but-relatively-warm -20 weather and my lungs reminded me that they are not recovered yet. My arm still twinges constantly with even small movements. Kyle is back at work, and I am back building up my mental health for an eventual return. I even find myself missing it a tiny bit.
So I seek inspiration from the winter sun and it's insistence on rising and doing what it can. I remind myself that I, too, have brighter days ahead. And darker days, because life is about cycles and not straight lines. But I have survived all of the cycles so far, and I can survive this one too.
Okay. Enough being overdramatic. Here is said winter sun - may it inspire something for you as well.
