Four years ago (I would never have thought it that long!) at about this time of year I was diagnosed as pre-diabetic and signed up for said commercial weight loss program at the urging of one of my doctors. Over the next 18 months I lost a significant amount of weight, and it was quite the journey. By the end I was down almost a whole person, but was still fat according to society and hideous according to me.
Then grad school happened, and being in a relationship, and being in a different job, and many other factors. Plus the major factor of biology and the metabolic changes that happen when an obese person loses drastic amounts of weight which generally causes yo-yoing. And oh my did I yo-yo. I am now the heaviest I have ever been.
Then grad school happened, and being in a relationship, and being in a different job, and many other factors. Plus the major factor of biology and the metabolic changes that happen when an obese person loses drastic amounts of weight which generally causes yo-yoing. And oh my did I yo-yo. I am now the heaviest I have ever been.
There's a lot I have hinted at but not discussed openly. This year my knee started acting up awfully, and right now it is especially bad again. I can barely walk. I no longer can sit comfortably in many of the chairs at work as the sides dig into my legs. I feel weak and scared. So I need to make changes again. Trying to make gradual changes on my own hasn't worked, there's no accountability. So this morning I bit the bullet and charged my credit card for access to the same system.
I'm scared. I don't want to yo-yo again. I'm not doing this to lose drastic weight and become a skinny person, because I recognize that that's not going to happen for me. My goal right now is to get back to where I was before I started the first time. I've done a ton of work on body positivity, including a kick-ass tattoo that only a few of you have seen, and still see this as my bigger mission. But I am worried and scared and don't want to die young.
I considered not telling anyone, and having this be a shameful secret. But why is it shameful? Why do I feel like it is? I'm trying to give myself accountability to be healthy. So instead I decided to do the opposite and announce it to my loved ones again.
I considered not telling anyone, and having this be a shameful secret. But why is it shameful? Why do I feel like it is? I'm trying to give myself accountability to be healthy. So instead I decided to do the opposite and announce it to my loved ones again.
I love you all and want to be here with you for a long time, and be so comfortably. Thank you for the support I know you'll provide me.
