As I write this, I am standing at a bus stop outside work. Normally I would be listening to a podcast, but I can't listen and write at the same time so right now there is nothing playing in them. But I wear them anyways.
Today the Internet exploded about an article by a PUA advising men how to talk to women who are wearing headphones. Women responded with a quick solution: don't. I wanted to add to this conversation, because it ties in with something I've been thinking about lately.
I've had a few discussions with cycling activists lately which involve complaints about pedestrians not moving when beeped at because they are wearing headphones. I am always struck by a feeling of needing to explain why I wear headphones, but not knowing how.
I'm a woman living in a mid-size city in Canada. Overall I feel generally somewhat safe in my city. I don't walk around alone at night in some areas, usually ones I live next to because that's how renting works, but it's pretty safe physically. And yet, I get harassed on a regular basis. Because I'm a fat woman, this harassment takes a slightly different form. It's probably about fifty-fifty between unwanted sexual advances and outright abuse related to my size and presumed bitchiness. With a sprinkling of complete strangers offering unwanted health advice.
So here's the deal. I don't wear headphones because I'm entitled and don't care about others. I wear headphones so that when cars full of men pull up beside me to call me a fat bitch, I can't hear them. I wear headphones so that I can't hear catcalls or insults from the mouths of men I walk by. I wear headphones so I can't hear the whispering as people stare at me. Finally, I wear headphones so I can ignore the strangers trying to talk to me when I don't have the strength, energy, or desire to talk to them and risk one of the above mentioned conversations.
Unless you actually know me, don't try to talk to me when I have my headphones in. They are my armour in this world. Respect that. That goes for all women, all LGBTQ+ folks, all people of colour, all people with sensory overload. Pretty much everyone. Just be respectful.
And if you beep your horn at me and I don't move because of my headphones, keep in mind there might be a reason I'm keeping the world at bay. I'm sorry my armour is a hassle to you, but I'm not sorry I'm wearing it.
