This post is frivolous. Or maybe not. I guess we'll find out. Over the last couple weeks I've had a lot of people ask me about my love life (or lack thereof) and my thoughts on it. Is this because I'm sending out some kind of "I'm tired of being single and feeling like there's a whole part of life I have yet to explore" vibe? Possibly. I'm definitely feeling that way. But that's not the point, and despite how it may sound at first this is not a self-pitying post. I feel it's important to say that, because what I'm about to say now may sound like it. Read on to see why I don't feel it is. In one of these conversations recently with a work friend I was asked if I had tried on-line dating. I said that I tried before going to England, but that I didn't have much success. I then joked that it's because I'm a bit of a "niche market". I've thought a lot about this statement since and have realized just how true it is.
Now my work friend thought I was referring to my size. And I do think this comment applies to my size - not every guy out there will be interested in a girl who's bigger than the average. Though I tend to feel that if a guy can't see past the extra curve on my body to all the other great stuff that's more their problem than mine. But the comment was not just about that. It was about me as a person, about my expectations and beliefs and activities. It was about what I want and what I have to offer.
I'm a little worried the rest of this post is going to make me sound egotistical and vain, and I'm not. Or not all the time. Most the time I bounce between cripplingly low self-esteem and thinking I'm okay but need work on how to love myself. But the point of this is to talk about the good things that make me a niche market, and maybe to get you thinking about what makes you one.
So why am I a niche market? Here are some of the reasons.
1. I care a lot more about my mind than my looks. Don't get me wrong, I do the whole hair and makeup and clothes thing - it's just never going to be my focus. I would rather listen to interesting and educational podcasts than sit and think about outfits. I hate wearing high-heels, can't handle long nails, and despise clothes shopping 90% of the time. I am never going to be the girl who looks amazing and coiffed and that. At best I'm that girl with the weird hair who looks pretty and interesting, but different. But I can hold my own in discussions about science, math, religion, literature, history, psychology, anthropology, sociology, art, etc. etc. etc. The time I choose to not spend on appearance is spent becoming an interesting person with a wide variety of interests.
2. I need to be challenged. The people I like most in my life are those that make me feel dumb because I love feeling challenged. I love when someone can teach me things or make me question my assumptions. I don't want to sit and chit-chat about the weather for two hours. I want to debate and discuss and argue and learn.
3. I'm a sometimes-angry feminist. I don't want a "traditional" relationship. I don't want to be taken care of or bought stuff or treated like a doll. Okay, sometimes I would like to be taken care of - we all do. But I don't want to be your princess. I want to be your partner. I'm probably not going to take your name in marriage (I might just marry you, but it doesn't mean I belong to you). I'm not domesticated properly so don't expect housework out of me. I'm going to be independent and opinionated and stubborn. And I'm going to challenge you.
4. I have baggage. I have big time baggage - a history of depression can be scary to anyone. It makes me who I am, and I think it makes me a better person because I have a lot of emathy. But I can understand people not wanting to take that on.
Alright, I'm tired of coming up with a numbered list. But I'm hoping you get the idea. I see myself as a niche market because it will take someone very special to be willing to take on all that. But those aren't bad things about myself! I love these things about myself. And what I realized as I thought more and more about this is that all the best people I know are also niche markets.
So here's to being a niche market - and to whoever eventually comes along that's willing to try something a little different.
