Not related to gender - why birthdays are important

Today was/is my 27th birthday. I am by blessed to have lots of fantastic people in my life who sent me messages in a variety of ways expressing their love.

But some things did not go so well. Mostly silly little things, but enough of them built up that I felt very discouraged and ignored (in a specific setting, again I know there were people in my social life who sent me much appreciated love and wishes, and I do not mean to demean or belittle that).

Part of it is that people start to see birthdays as frivolous and inconsequential as time goes on. But I still feel they are really important, and want to celebrate them.

Why? As a teenager I dealt with a lot of serious depression. I was suicidal. I attempted suicide more than once, but luckily never completed it. Maybe they were just cries for attention, but in me they were real. The pain was real. The not feeling able to deal with it was real.

But here I am. I am happy, and loved, and so very glad to be alive. And every year that I continue to be alive is worth celebrating. The mere fact that it has been another solar cycle and I am still on this Earth is worth acknowledging. The fact it is another year where I have not felt suicidal at any point is worth celebrating vibrantly!

That is why I think birthdays are important. After a year with a lot of death or near-death in my family I want to celebrate another year that I am still alive and living. I want to look back on the year and those that have been lost and remember them. I want to look forward to another year to come filled with experience, both good and bad.

Everyone has something to celebrate on their birthday. Everyone has won some victory by making another lap around the sun. And everyone deserves to feel acknowledged and special on their birthday.

I hope I can make more of an effort this year to make all of those in my life feel more special on their birthdays. Because birthdays are definitely important.

Another Facebook Stereotype

I have to say, my facebook friends have been pretty good about not annoying me with stereotype posts lately. Yay! However this one, despite coming originally from someone I deeply respect and love (George Takei), bothers me.

While I can see the humor (and it does remind me of the quite funny dog/cat one), it still bugs me. Because the woman's life is basically shopping, and trying to figure out her man. Sigh.



However, I will also post one I loved. This has nothing to do with gender, really, but made me smile and is quite appreciated for its message:

Chick Lit

I am currently sitting in the guest bedroom of my grandparents' house on beautiful Vancouver Island. This is the last day of my vacation here. This vacation has included much reading.

Due to weight and space issues I had to cut the 7 books I hoped to bring down to 4. This meant, of course, I ran out of books pretty darn quick. Two of the books had been quite enjoyable Steampunk*-style fantasy books with a romance story in. The main character, a slightly Mary-Sue like female, had dimension, was quite capable, and was someone you could cheer for.

Unfortunately however those books (and being on vacation) sparked a craving in me for romances. I enjoy well-written romance books. They are my way of living vicariously. However, after a number of free iBook really bad romances, and a couple of supposed-to-be-vaguely-legit "chick-lit" books, I am feeling very irritated and annoyed.

The female main characters are almost better written in the really trashy books than the chick-lit. In the chick-lit I find the females are all vain, shallow, incompetent, ditzy, and completely one-dimensional. They all love shopping, talking about men, partying, and more shopping. They all have jobs, but those jobs seem to be nothing but a necessary annoyance to them. They have no real interests (though often the male characters have a variety of exciting and enjoyable hobbies).

These women always get themselves into bad situations by doing something completely idiotic, and then lying and doing even stupider things to try to cover up. Eventually all their idiocy comes out, but Surprise! The male character admits an irresistible and everlasting love for her despite, or even because of, the ditziness and idiocy.

Cut me a break. Can I PLEASE have a female character I can actually relate to? One who would pass the Bechdel test by talking to her friends about something other than men? (Or shopping for that matter?) How about a character who is capable, strong, and can communicate effectively? Or a character who is into crafts or activism or skydiving or gaming or ANYTHING other than shopping? How about a character who has friends she talks to about work and family and fun stuff they have done recently instead of just boys?

Can I have a character who isn't swept off her feet by cheesy lines and unrealistic promises? How about one who believes in herself, even if single, without coming off like an ice-queen? Or one who values her independence and strength?

Basically, can I please have a character that isn't a caricature for all that is wrong with gender stereotypes in this society? Otherwise I will have to write my own book and that's a scary premise.


(Disclaimer: I have found a few chick-lit authors who manage to write half-decent (though still pretty one-dimensional and depressingly incompetent) characters. They are just few and far between. I have learned my lesson however, and will not be straying from them again anytime soon.)




*I recently decided I needed to explore this genre that produced such amazing esthetics. After finding a list of recommended books online I set about finding them and devouring them. It has been a very enjoyable experience, and I have discovered some great books. I look forward to tackling a new genre when I finish this list.